This article first appeared on elephant journal and is republished here with permission.
My daughter Emma has a beautiful, round tummy.
She loves to lift up her shirt and point to it, while happily announcing, “belly!” She pushes the baby flesh in while laughing. “Look at that awesome tummy,” I say, and chuckle with her.
She is so excited in these moments, to be able to identify her stomach.
Emma is not even two, yet can I see how her little body makes her proud. She struts around, with her shoulders back and chest out. She happily names all of her body parts. “Eyes, nose, face, toes, tushy,” she says affirmatively, while pointing to each one. Her toddler legs are fast; they let her run.
Emma pulls herself up onto grownup chairs with her strong little arms.
Of course I think my daughter is beautiful—she is my child.
I am so thrilled that she is proud of her big, squishy belly, but I know she won’t always feel this way. Each day she becomes more aware of the world around her. Soon, she will notice the images of perfect bodies in movies and the flat bellies in magazines and advertisements. I don’t know how it will affect her self-image. I wonder what she will think of her belly in 10 years.
Will she suck her stomach in while trying to fit into a tight pair of jeans?
Will she think that her butt is too big?
Will she come to hate her thighs as so many women do or will she be grateful that they help her run?
I want to bottle up Emma’s current self-image and give it to her when she becomes a teenager. My hope is that she will grow up remembering how strong and beautiful she is, but I know that it may be a challenge.
I want to teach Emma many lessons; at the forefront of my list is my desire that she continue to be proud of her body.
This is a tall order for a parent: to remind their children that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, even though the entertainment industry does not reflect this. But, I start with the basics: we look in the mirror often and she points at herself, smiling while I remind her of her beauty. I take Emma to mommy and me classes where she can use her body; we do toddler dance and toddler yoga.
She loves to jump up and down. She runs instead of walking. Whenever she hears a song she loves, she dances around the room in circles, laughing. I remind her of her physical power often and all of the activities that she can do thanks her strong body.
And then, of course, comes the most challenging part for a mother trying to teach her child to have positive body image: modeling this self-love for her. Although my body will never be the same from pregnancy and childbirth, I let her know that I love myself anyway. I let her lift up my shirt and point to my belly, which is covered in stretch marks. “Look at mommy’s beautiful belly!” I say, and invite her to snuggle down into it.
She loves my stomach, so how can I feel any differently? It held her for nine long months. I have to love it because it allowed me to have her.
Emma surprised me recently, when I asked about her favorite body part: “Heart, inside” she replied. She lifted up her shirt to point out her chest. “Yes,” I said. Yes. The most important part of your body is your heart, on the inside. I hope she continues to remember that what lies within us is what really matters.
I am always grateful for the lessons from my daughter, and this one is particularly significant. Emma reminds me to love all of myself, imperfect parts and all. So, we go through our days together, proud of our bodies and loving our beautiful, round bellies.
Our children really and truly teach us so much on a daily basis in their innocence and truth.I believe if we start early instilling in them the importance of continuing to love themselves we set them up for success during those times when the noise of society around them gets pretty loud.
My daughter squishes my stomach all the time and says, ” I was in there!” I say yes and that’s why it’s so big!!
ha! that is a great response. I agree! I am doing my best to instill what I can in her, but it is definitely hard.
I think you are so right about modeling. It is expected that society will tell our children negatives, but if we can model positive self-love at home, that is the power they will hold within their hearts to fight back. Stay strong, Momma!
Thanks Laura! It is definitely a battle but I am doing all that I can to show her how important it is to love ourselves.
Great post, I love her response about her heart being her favorite body part. You can have her read this later when she is struggling with her self-image.
thank you! yes, I love that she recognizes the importance of the heart too! really, its what matters most. 🙂
What a great post, Becky! Too bad that, as women, we grow out of loving the uniqueness of our bodies. Each one of us has something about us that someone else loves.
As the grandmother of 3 beautiful little girls, I too worry about what their self-images will be as they grow up and see the too thin models in magazines and on tv.
Thanks for the post Becky. I don’t have children of my own but can appreciate the spirit of your daughter. I sometimes wonder if we as women, are exposed to too much as children and that is why some of us grow up with negative thoughts about our body? I know I def. have my issues, but I’m not sure exactly what it stems from, a variety of factors likely.
How precious! Children really do have it all figured out! I agree with wanting to bottle it up to give our children later on in life. I think it is wonderful how you are being mindful to really encourage her to embrace it and that you also practice your own self-love. Leading through example makes such a big difference.
This is so sweet. I love when our kids teach us the important lessons in life!
Thank you! It’s an important one. 🙂